Someone emailed:
I read your book a few years ago but still haven't found an answer for myself. I was married many years ago to a man for a few months. I had just been saved. He was a Christian too, but he divorced me after a few months because he said he had made a mistake and I didn't make him happy. I tried to reconcile with him for several years but he refused. It's been many years not and I've remained single out of confusion. I don't know where I stand with God. So many people tell me I am unable to remarry and must be single. I find it hard to believe that God has consigned me to a life of singlehood but I guess I deserve it for marrying someone when I didn't have peace about it. But I was a baby Christian and didn't know too much. Am I to be single forever because this guy left me and wouldn't reconcile? I guess I do deserve it.
Reply:
I am saddened to think that you have carried the guilt of this broken relationship when you were not the person who broke it up, and you are the one who tried hardest at reconciliation.
In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul addresses this problem. He tells the believer who divorces without proper grounds that they should be reconciled, and remain unmarried to make sure reconciliation remains possible (v.10-11).
But in your case, although your ex-husband was a Christian, he chose not to obey Paul's command, even when you were asking him for reconciliation. Paul addressed this situation in v.15 when he talked about someone who was divorced against their will by someone who would not obey Paul. The person Paul was talking about in v.15 was a non-believer, because at that time it was unthinkable that a believer would disobey an apostle. It applies in your situation because your ex-husband acted like an unbeliever.
Paul tells the believer in v.15 that they are "no longer bound". He didn't say what they were "no longer bound" to, because he assumes that the reader will know what this means. In the first century all of his readers would have understood this because all Jewish divorce certificates (and some non-Jewish ones) included the words "You are now free to marry anyone you wish". When Paul quotes these words in v.39 (where he says the same rights apply to a widow) he adds the restriction that the "anyone" should be a believer.
I discuss all this in "When your Partner Walks Out" in Divorce and Remarriage in the Church.
What this means in your case is that your ex-husband should not have broken his marriage vows by deserting you and divorcing you. You have already waited a very long time for him to repent and be reconciled, and there is no practical possibility that this will happen. Paul's words to the person divorced against their will by an unbeliever apply to you, because your ex-husband has acted like an unbeliever. You are now "no longer bound" – ie you are now "free to marry".
